Lonely

So the down feelings continue, I’m really not sure what to make of all this.  Mum and Dad seem to think I’m having some kind of psychotic episode but I’m not.  I threw a little bit of a fit today because I couldn’t remember Soph’s number.  I remember throwing something across the room, but I can’t quite remember what it was.  So now they think I’m dating, and I have a psychotic episode.  Could things get any worse?

It’s like a time bomb you know.  It’s ticking down all the time, closer and closer.  I can feel it taking chunks out of me, like it’s biting into me each time a little bit here, a little bit there.  I know what the end result is.  I just can’t bring myself to admit it.  I wish I could just talk to someone else about it.  I feel so damn lonely.  You’re the only person in the world who knows how I’m feeling.  Shame you can never reply to me.  Maybe I could tell Sophs.  I just don’t want pity.  I wouldn’t be able to stand it.  I just want someone to help me devise a way to get through this.  Maybe to even prevent it from happening.

I tried ringing her today, in the afternoon.  No one there.  I wonder where she is.  It’s kinda freaking me out.  No Sophs for two days, there’s gotta be something up with that right?

I should get my marks for that assignment on Monday.  Not that it matters.

Joel

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